Contemplating a Jobby-Job....

Well, I made a HUGE mistake today. I opened a door...now I just have to prevent myself from walking through it. :)

Since I'm finishing up graduate school in December, I thought I'd surf the web to see how many great job prospects were available in Hawaii in nonprofit management. No serious intentions, you know...just playing the role of researcher and inspecting the market a bit to see what the potential prospects are and what salary range I could ask for in a few years.

Ha! Who am I kidding??? And why do I do this to myself? For me, that's like holding a warm, fragrant, freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie in front of a five-year old and telling them they're forbidden to eat it.

Well, I got my anwer. There are TONS of job opportunities in my field--in 5 minutes, I found 10 excellent positions (including Executive Director, Program Manager, Philanthropy Director, Director of Development), all with starting salaries of $50-60K. And these are small organizations...I didn't even bother to look into the bigger ones. It's definitely reassuring, though, especially given the fact that the job market is supposed to be so terrible right now.

So, here's the problem--I'm really fighting the urge to send out resumes and test the waters to see if anyone will bite. Being new to the field of management, I'm really, really curious to see how far up the ladder my new degree (well, almost) can carry me. It's killing me. Could I make Development Director out of the gate...maybe Program Manager...possibly even Executive Director? What about a Board of Directors? Is that a possibility? It would be cool to run Oprah's Angel Network, wouldn't it? Or the Gates Foundation's medical programs out of India? Not that I'd ever want to move to India...TOO HOT! :)

It's a real struggle for me to keep the "highly ambitious, career-driven" part of my personality dormant for any length of time. Having held a job since I was seventeen (even three jobs at once during my last year of college just to make ends meet), I just don't quite know what to do with myself if I'm not working outside the home. It's almost like I get this crazy itch that I just can't seem to scratch unless I'm pulling a paycheck. Now don't get me wrong...I stay plenty busy here--I'm up at 6:30a.m. with Noah and bouncing back and forth between him and schoolwork until 10p.m, while struggling to find time to fit in a 45-minute workout and a shower somewhere in between. Yeah, staying busy is definitely not the problem.

For now, my POA for the next two-three years doesn't include getting a full-time, outside-the-home job when we got to Hawaii...at least not during the time Chris will be away. I'm just not comfortable with the prospect of daycare with one parent constantly and unpredictably away and the other never home before 6p.m. That wouldn't be fair to Noah. The rational part of me advises that I have the right take a hiatus from full-time employment (at least for a little while), especially since I never took a break from school and work during pregnancy and Noah's first year. I also know it would be a good idea to relax a bit and regroup before I plunge into fiscal budgets, community meetings, and philanthropic events seven days a week. Who knows...maybe there'll be a quarter of a million dollar career opportunity buried away in grant writing?? ;) Even so, I still feel the urge to attach my resume and hit "send" every time a new job opportunity crosses my computer screen.

So, right now I'm practicing self-restraint and doing my best to avoid any telephone or e-mail inquiries for the moment. Maybe when Noah is a little older. In the meantime, I'll just salivate over various job descriptions and dream of starting up my own little organization some day...maybe I'll realize that dream when Chris retires from the Navy and becomes the official domestic engineer of the household. I have a special daisy-covered apron and oven mitt set wrapped up and waiting for him. He IS the better cook... :)

~ Amanda